Discourse Over Discord: How to Disagree While Learning from Each Other

By Emily Magnus, Assistant Director of Communications

When I walk into Marty Wennik’s ninth-grade English class, students are already deep into a discussion about Montana 1948, a novel by Larry Watson. They are trying to identify the protagonist and decide whether the novel is a coming-of-age story or a cautionary tale. The conversation flows easily; by this point in the year, the students are both practiced in their discussion skills and well-informed about the text they are discussing. 

It’s worth noting that technology is absent; students sit at a table with only their books, pens, and reading journals in front of them. Based on the Harkness method or Socratic style of teaching, the students lead; there are no side conversations, only the flow of the dialogue about the book, building their collective knowledge and perspective. 

For the most part, Mr. Wennik P’15,’16 doesn’t contribute. He too is listening, occasionally writing questions on the classroom whiteboards, but for the most part just following the students’ conversation. Only once does he interrupt: “Be careful of using general language. You may know what you are talking about when you use ‘it’ or ‘that,’ but make sure the rest of your classmates know. Be specific!”

In the ninth-grade year, Mr. Wennik is preparing these boys for high school academic discussions where their understanding of a topic, and consequently their grades, will depend upon their ability to participate and contribute. But the skills they learn are not only consequential for their high school preparation but also for preparing for “responsible and meaningful lives in a global society.” And fortunately, the lessons here are reinforced throughout the Cardigan curriculum––both formally and informally. In a world that encourages discord, not discourse, Cardigan is challenging students to behave differently.

Words Have Impact

Considering the impact of words goes beyond Mr. Wennik’s instructions to use clarifying language. One of Mr. Wennik’s favorite sayings, “Think before you ink,” challenges students to choose their words carefully. In the case of literature discussions, he asks his students to consider “How do I say something so it won’t create animosity?” This does not mean his students all agree but rather that they learn to add to discussions and their collective knowledge instead of pitting students against each other in a contest to determine who is right and who is wrong.

It's a message that history teacher Corey Lawson also supports: “Often students are not conditioned to listening to their classmates; I intentionally use discussions in my class to remind them that they can learn just as much from each other as they can from their teachers.” At the end of a unit of study, Mr. Lawson will ask students to discuss an open-ended question, relying on four published essays to support their theses.

Prior to the discussion, Mr. Lawson makes sure his students recognize the difference between disagreeing with each other and arguing. “An argument is a disagreement in which your emotions outweigh your sensibilities,” he tells them. “I’m asking them to have a productive conversation in a professional environment. I emphasize that it is not about being right or wrong. The goal is to understand the topic better.”

It’s a way of thinking that Mr. Wennik hopes will spill over into their personal relationships: “We have a diverse community, but it doesn’t do any good if we don’t get to know each other. The classroom setting is an opportunity for the boys to practice asking questions that promote understanding and discussion.”

Everyone Should Have an Opportunity to Be Heard

Mr. Wennik and Mr. Lawson also insist that all students contribute to their classroom discussions. It means that students have to be prepared for class––there’s no hiding in a classroom of 10-15 students––but it also means students get used to articulating their thoughts. Cardigan’s peer mediation program, overseen by Director of Community Life Meredith Frost P’25, has similar goals. Students who are trained in peer mediation negotiate minor disputes between students, often solving roommate disagreements and other residential life issues. The students in conflict take turns speaking through the mediators who are practiced at removing judgments and presenting the facts. 

Students who participate in Cardigan’s peer mediation program––modeled on Peers Making Peace, an award-winning school-based peer mediation program––are volunteers and receive training in communication, listening, dispute resolution, problem-solving, and goal setting.

“At first, the mediators think they are going to give advice, but they learn that their role is to facilitate the conversation,” says. Ms. Frost. “They learn to listen and remove their personal judgments and feelings, and they learn that entering a conversation or asking a question isn’t about coming up with an answer but about seeking to better understand each other and to become aware of each other’s different perspectives. It’s an empowering experience for all the students, to solve their own conflicts without the intervention of a faculty member.” 

Currently, 18 students have taken the training; 12 are new to the program this year. Ms. Frost hopes to build the program to include more students from all grades. “I would love to have more sixth and seventh graders involved so that they can turn to their immediate peers when they have a problem,” says Ms. Frost. “The more we can normalize peer mediation, the greater the impact will be on our community.” If Cardigan succeeds, students become better communicators who seek understanding over winning the upper hand and who can solve their own disputes.

Discomfort is Normal and Even Necessary 

Back in Mr. Wennik’s classroom, there is a break in the conversation. And while it’s tempting to prompt the students and restart the conversation, Mr. Wennik allows the uncomfortable silence to continue. In fact, Mr. Wennik savors moments like these. “Silence is golden,” he says, “because that means the students are thinking.” 

Dean of Students Matthew Kinney sees value in dwelling in discomfort as well. “If you commit to being a part of a community, you have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations,” he says. Mr. Kinney and his team use restorative practices to manage conflicts and tensions when they arise. The process focuses not on punishment but on repairing harm and relationships, and it almost always begins with a conversation, helping those involved in the conflict to understand the impact they are having on others and the community.

“Our Core Values [Compassion, Integrity, Respect, and Courage] are a beacon during these conversations,” says Mr. Kinney. “Because they’ve agreed to live by these words when they join the Cardigan community, we have a starting point when we sit down together.”

But in a community with students from 18 different countries and 25 different states, the differences are sometimes more evident than the similarities, and resolutions are not easy to come by.

“As mentors and role models, it’s important for us to help students recognize and accept that we are all different,” says Mr. Kinney. “Empathy does not always come easily to middle school students, and it’s our job as faculty to create the space for them to speak and have room to grow when they make mistakes.” Discomfort becomes an integral part of the process.

The boys, with the help of the faculty, engage in discussions not only in their classes but also in their dorms and in the dining hall, discussions that are focused on enhancing their understanding and building a strong community. The skills they acquire will serve them well when they leave Cardigan and begin their secondary school education. But with practice and consistency, we hope these Cardigan students will use these skills long after they graduate high school and become leaders of the communities in which they settle, leaders who intentionally listen to the thoughts and experiences of others and insist on civil discourse, regardless of how vast the differences may first appear.